


Those Blue Eyes

by im_adopted



Category: SPN, Supernatural
Genre: Angst, I'm Sorry, M/M, Sad, i still can't tag, more than one thousand words, this is relatively long
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-19
Updated: 2016-06-19
Packaged: 2018-07-16 00:09:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7244371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/im_adopted/pseuds/im_adopted
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean has no one and Castiel can't help him</p><p>(That sounds a lot like my first fics summary but idc)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Those Blue Eyes

Dean slammed the door to the Impala shut, getting his fingers caught in the process. The middle three fingers on his right hand were broken and the nail on his pinkie finger was completely gone.

"Fuck it!" He yelled, clutching his injured hand in his other, kicking the door shut. Sam wasn't here to help him, he was in the hospital for a major trauma to his skull and torso. Dean was in this alone. For now, at least.

Castiel heard Dean curse and winced slightly, struggling not to say anything or give off any form of emotion. He didn't understand why his father had asked him to stay away from Dean for as long as he has. It's been almost a year since he last stood with Dean, and even then all he had said as a goodbye was, "Anger issues are the least of your concern." Castiel thinks he knows why he's not allowed to be with Dean, but any suspicions he has will have to wait until he can get a message to his father.

Considering it's been about a year since Castiel had left Dean, you'd think he would get over it slightly. But no, Dean missed him more and more with every day that passed. Every day is one closer to being able to see him again, but then again, it is also one further away from when he last saw him. What he last said to Dean wasn't exactly a goodbye, but it sufficed as a 'see you later' in Castiel's and Dean's little language.

Dean is a demon now. He blamed Castiel for not being there long enough to save him from it happening, but then again he asked for it in his own way. Falling in love with an angel isn't the way to go when you're a hunter, the running around, the weapons, the hundred of demon's traps he's had to draw up. When Sammy got omitted into hospital Dean realized how much he has hurt both himself and Sam over the last few years. He didn't care about himself as much as he should, but if anyone so much as tries to hurt Sam, they wouldn't live to see the next day, demon or not.

The angel watching him sighed, angry at himself and at his father. He wanted to go with Dean, go down to him and protect him and help him. He wanted to make him feel safe and loved again, but any form of affection between the two was always short-lived and never left the car. Being an angel in a world of humans was hard enough, but to be a gay angel and go against everything he has ever been taught to do and how not to feel is like asking a four year old to read Hamlet and depict every little verse. It's just not going to happen. Not any time soon, anyway.

As Dean wrapped his hand with a bandage and gauze, he looked up to the sky with tight lips and narrowed eyes. "It's been a year Cas, get your fucking ass back down here."

He knew Castiel heard, because there was a sudden flutter of wind. The tree next to the car let a few leaves fall, but Castiel was no where to be found. Not a trace of trench coat, not a single grey feather, not even some over thought comment that would put a world renowned scientist in their place. Dean wanted to smash something, break anything just to get rid of the anger and pent up frustration of only having memory to picture Cas sitting next to him in the Impala, a small smile and a helpful hand in place.

Castiel wanted so much to do something, let Dean know that he was there and he's not just hallucinating. If he was caught in earth would be bad enough, but sitting in the back seat of Dean's car would be enough to practically get him banished and probably tortured.

Dean closed the lid on the first aid kit and threw it in the back seat, narrowly missing Castiel's thigh in the process. He sat back in his seat for what must have been an hour, because the sky suddenly opened up and rain plummeted onto the car. The car was off, the heater wasn't working, so there was no point in having it running. He tucked his right hand under his arm and then, using his opposite hand, pulled his jacket closer to his body. His head rolled back and he closed his eyes, trying to at least rest.

"Cas," he mumbled, talking in such a way that if Castiel was actually up in heaven, he wouldn't be able to make out what he was saying. "Don't leave me like this. I know it's been a year, but I want you back. I need you here, after everything, how could you just abandon me? It's not fair."

Castiel felt like a total idiot. Of course Dean would be hurting. He would be too if Dean had just left him for an entire year. It's not fair on anyone, especially not Dean. Castiel couldn't stand being this close to him but not letting Dean know that he is right here and always will be.

"I miss you," Dean whispered in a raspy voice. "I just want you to come back to me."

Dean broke then, he thrashed and started crying. His fist flew at the car window and it cracked from the pressure, but didn't shatter. It's Dean's car for God's sake, if he has to fight monsters and demons, it's not going to break so easily. Still, he continously punched the glass until his fist was bloody and there was a hole in the window large enough to let a large sum of water in.

Castiel was heart broken. This isn't what he had seen when he watched him from above. This isn't how Dean reacted. But Sam isn't here, so he doesn't have to hold himself together. Not for himself and definitely not for that asshole of an angel Dean wanted so badly to punch just so he can feel that he's there. He wants to touch something of Castiel's just to know he is still there, he is and always will be.

In the glove box was a gun, his father's journal, and a feather. It was large and grey and a bit messy from being handled repeatedly. Dean had only ever gotten to hold it when Sam was in the servo getting food or when they were off doing two separate jobs. And that only ever rarely happened. Dean wanted to just have Castiel here because goddammit this is not what he imagined to happen. He never thought he'd fall in love. He also never thought he'd meet an angel for long enough to become so attached to it, but that's just a technicality.

Both Dean's hands were useless at the moment. He wouldn't even clench them into a fist without feeling the need to clench his teeth. Holding that damn feather was hard enough. He just couldn't stand it anymore. He has to move on. But not while he's always thinking about Castiel. About his eyes, oh those blue eyes that instantly make him feel like himself. The thing he always does with his hand, his he always rests it on his left shoulder to let him know it will be okay. But mostly when he talks. What he says and how he says it is enough to make Dean want to lock Castiel away and next give him back. Because Castiel, in all fairness, is and has always been Dean's.

Castiel couldn't stand it anymore. If he stayed, he'd want to talk to Dean. To touch him at the least, so some carefully done moves were quickly acted then he vanished. Back to where he was from and back to the only place that he knows he can keep an eye on Dean without eventually telling him that he's in love with him.

Dean felt a brush of a hand on his shoulder and a whisper of, "I'm sorry."

But it was already too late. He couldn't stand being like this anymore. The feather in his hand was dropped out the shattered window of the car and in that moment he tried his hardest to completely erase Castiel from his mind.

He started the engine and drove away, ignoring the tugging feeling that he was leaving the best thing to have ever happened to him behind.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it :)


End file.
